Be your own best friend
You’re having coffee with a friend and she is confiding in you that she isn’t coping very well right now – life is stressful and she can’t seem to keep up. Your natural reaction is to comfort her, to tell her that she needs to go easy on herself and that you are here if she needs anything. So then why is it that when we have those stressed, burnt out moments in our own life we think we are being weak and continue to push ourselves? Why is it that we can’t cut ourselves some slack and recognise that we need a break? It’s time we start taking our own advice and become our own best friend. In order to do this, we need to start practicing self-compassion.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is the ability to be kind and understanding of oneself when faced with failure or shortcomings. No one is perfect, so why do we expect ourselves to be?
Where do we start?
Practicing self-compassion starts with a shift in our thinking – moving away from negative, unhelpful thoughts and towards positive and motivating self-talk. We have all had negative thoughts run through our mind – we would be lying if we said we are always looking on the bright side of life. But the key is recognising that these thoughts are simply just thoughts and they do not and cannot define us. While it is important to have somewhat of an ‘inner critic’ for our own personal growth, it is when this internal dialogue becomes constantly negative and overpowering that we begin to tread in murky water.
Making a change
Do some of these thoughts sound familiar?
- I’m not good enough
- I have failed
- I am unattractive
- I’m not worthy
Constant negative self-talk and thought patterns such as the ones above can not only bring you down but also set you up for failure. Challenging these thoughts and replacing them with a positive inner dialogue is key to forming a healthier relationship with ourselves.
So, what if we flip these thoughts?
- I am me and I am okay just as I am
- I will do better next time
- I have beautiful qualities
- I am worthy of good things
Can you see how a change in language can have an impact on your self-esteem and confidence? Altering the way in which we view ourselves can have an enormous impact on our overall happiness and wellbeing.
It’s important to note that these changes may prove to be a challenge at first as we are so quick to adopt a self-deprecating mindset and breaking bad habits doesn’t happen overnight. It’s therefore important to be mindful of what triggers our negative self-talk and catch these thoughts early so we have more of a chance of correcting ourselves before they have an impact. With time and effort, we will begin to break down negative barriers and rewire our thinking, resulting in a happier and more confident you.
Let’s look at it this way; if you were to spend 24 hours a day with someone for an extended period of time it would obviously make things difficult if they were to constantly put you down or berate you for every mistake you made. On the flip side, if this person was supportive and had an uplifting presence it would surely make the whole experience much more positive. Isn’t life much the same? At the end of the day, you will always have yourself so doesn’t it make sense to nourish that relationship and try to make it one based on love?
You have to make small changes to see big change happen. Give yourself the best chance of happiness and success because you are worthy!
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